A Year of Grays (Grace)

I've included this post from Aria's Caring Bridge site.  It was written by her mom, Jessica, and posted on March 20.  It's such a glory story.  I hope you'll take time to read it!

One year ago today I frantically called a neurological clinic because I couldn't take Aria screaming in pain any longer. COVID had just shut the world down, we were only a few days into "sheltering in place," but worse than that, something had been off with Aria for many weeks. 

 

I will forever be grateful to the scheduler who took my call, heard her screaming in the background, and coded us as an emergency so we could receive a same-day appointment. 

 

One year ago, the neurologist tried to tell me Aria had chronic migraines and possibly endocrine issues. He ordered medication  and tried to send us home.

 

One year ago today, with my knees shaking, I looked him in the eye and told him, "No." I am so grateful he heard me and sent us for an MRI immediately.

 

One year ago, I stood next to my tiny five year old as she lay in the MRI machine. She clenched her fists so hard they turned white in an effort to keep still as waves of pain washed over her. 

 

A 20 minute MRI stretched into an hour, and then longer. I turned and saw the neurologist had been called down and was earnestly looking at the computer along with the techs. 

 

And then I knew. She had a brain tumor. 

 

When the neurologist told me the news and showed me her scan, it didn't feel like a surprise, or even bad news. It felt like I was being handed a mission. 

 

As I drove Aria across town to Children's Hospital for emergency brain surgery, she innocently asked where we were going. I frantically prayed for the words to tell her what was happening in a way that would not frighten her. 

 

Oh friends, as I look back now, I can see how faithful God has been to us this year. He gave me the words then and continually guided me throughout the year. He has given Aria joy and peace and He has given me strength and perspective. A year ago He gave me the mindset that there would be no such thing as bad news, just more information to help make decisions. He gave us the insight that we would frame cancer to Aria as a grand adventure, that she is special, and that every poke and tear was a piece for her story that she could one day tell. He gave Aria optimism and bravery. There is no earthly way we could have made it through the last 365 days without Him. He carried us through. 

 

It has been a year. The worst year of our lives. The year of cancer and COVID and more stress and heartache than I could ever imagine. A year of heartache and sorrow. A year of joy and triumphs. A year of incredible provision. A year of people rushing in and lavishing us with love. A year of miracles. 

 

A year of grace. 

 

I titled this post because I didn't know then that today we would have all this knowledge on gray matter (the brain) and that the thread woven throughout the year wasn't sorrow or even strength. It was grace. ❤️