For some time now, my left knee has been hurting. I saw my surgeon on April 2 and received a cortisone shot which was suppose to make a difference. It sort of did, but not really, so on May 29, I had an MRI. I met with Dr. Johnson on Thursday for the results.
I was SURE it was a torn meniscus as it only hurt in one spot. My chiropractor was convinced it was a tendon issue. Either way, it was going to be an easy fix and I was going to be fine. We were both wrong.
Knees are rated on a scale of zero to four with the MRI, zero being healthy, four being not. My knee scored three's and four's depending on where you looked. Like Dr. Johnson said, "I could just fix the four's and you might be okay for ten years. Or I could do a total knee replacement and you should be fine for thirty years."
Well, that was a no brainer - EXCEPT.I.DO.NOT.WANT.TO.HAVE.SURGERY!!!
When I think about all the doctor's appointments I need to schedule, all the PT appointments I need to schedule, all the pre-surgery exercises I need to do, all the post-surgery exercises I need to, how sick I was just eight short months ago, I don't want to do it again.
My new bionic knee is NOT wonderful. It is vastly improved and I am grateful I got it done, but it hurts when I clean the floors, it aches when I walk down the stairs in the morning, it aches when I sit in the car. I can't imagine two knees like that - lumpy and numb.
I also do not do well with surgery. I asked Dr. Johnson, "Do I need to tattoo it on my forehead? 'I AM A PUKER.' I only want Tylenol and Advil. I don't want anything else." He says, "Well, we should try . . . " I say, probably a bit louder and more forceful, "I AM A PUKER. I only want Tylenol and Advil." He says, "In the hospital . . . " and I say, "I am only taking Tylenol and Advil. How many milligrams?" And he says, "Eight hundred of each every eight hours." Okay, we have a plan. Now let's talk non-dissolving internal stitches. And low and behold, there IS something else they can use so USE IT!!! It's hard to believe, but he was still smiling when he left me forty minutes later.
So I am now having a private pity party that will no longer be private because I'm sending it out into cyber space. I could barely do the "Walk for Life" yesterday because I was in so much pain. In my case, it was definitely a "Limp for Life"! I will be giving up close to a month of my summer for recovery - time I was supposed to be earning money for Micah's college education so now Sam, who should be recovering from a rotten, nasty school year, is subbing at summer school to make up for the money I can not earn.
I.AM.NOT.HAPPY! Oh, friends, I have tried. This is not a brain tumor like one dear friend is battling. Or breast cancer like four friends have fought or are still fighting throughout this year. Or early onset Alzheimer's that is claiming another friend. THIS.IS.A.STUPID.KNEE!
Maybe you have to be a runner to understand or empathize what I am going through. I don't know. But this I know, God has blessed me with some beautiful, memorable places to run. I can be thankful for the memories of running . . .
- In the mountains of Colorado;
- By the waterfalls and sheep of the Faroe Islands;
- In Birkenhead Park, the first publically funded park in the world;
- From the center of Togo to Ghana - and taking a taxi cab back!
- Along the Indian Ocean down the "Blacks Only" beach in South Africa;
- Under UN Security with razor wire and tanks in Liberia;
- By the peacocks in Benin;
- Through the port in Sierra Leone with the gurka's;
- In the heat of Texas;
- And in the cold of Minnesota!
I miss running. ALOT. That was my time to think and pray and plan. It's gone forever. I don't want two bionic knees. I didn't even want one! But I will be thankful when I can walk again that I don't have to limp for life.
